What Do We Say When We Hear ‘Faggot’?
Alice is eleven. She walks down the school halls with her arm around her best friend, Susan. During lunch, they sit on the floor holding hands or combing each other’s hair. Lately, Alice has been called “dyke,” and boys have been told not to be her friend.
Brian refuses to take part in a fight on his block. As he makes his way home, he hears cries of “faggot” and “sissy.” Suddenly he begins to run, realizing that the other children may now attack him.
Carl is gifted musically; he would like to join the elementary school chorus. Although he hesitates for several weeks, the music teacher persuades him to join. One morning soon after, he enters the classroom tense and angry after chorus, muttering that several boys have called him “gay.”
Some children play a “game” called “Smear the Queer,” in which one child suddenly attacks another, knocking him to the ground. The attacker shouts “Fag!” and then runs away.
Homophobic name-calling is pervasive. Even first graders are now using such terms as “faggot” to ridicule others, and such name-calling is increasingly common in the older grades. Homophobic name-calling is devastating to young people experiencing homosexual feelings. For youngsters who are not gay, such name-calling creates or reinforces hostility towards the gay and lesbian population. And it forces all children to follow strict sex-role behaviors to avoid ridicule.
Because homosexuality is such a charged issue, teachers rarely confront children who use homophobic name-calling to humiliate and infuriate other children. Many teachers do not realize that this sort of name-calling can be dealt with in much the same way as other kinds of bigotry and stereotyping.
Teaching children to be critical of oppression is teaching true morality, and teachers have the right, indeed the obligation, to alert their students to all forms of oppression. Educating children not to be homophobic is one way to show the difference between oppressive and non-oppressive behavior.
Challenging homophobic name-calling by teaching children non-judgmental facts about homosexuality and by correcting myths is also intrinsically connected to anti-sexist educational values, since homophobia is used to reinforce rigid sex roles. Furthermore, if adults criticize other forms of name calling but ignore anti-gay remarks, children are quick to conclude that homophobia is acceptable because gay men and lesbians deserve to be oppressed.
Boys are far more likely to be the object of homophobic name-calling than girls, perhaps because sex roles for boys remain, to some extent, more rigidly defined. A boy involved in a traditional “female-only” activity such as sewing or cooking risks out-and-out contempt from his peers, as well as the possibility of being called “faggot” or “sissy.” Girls are more able to participate in activities that have traditionally been for boys, such as sports or shop, without loss of peer approval.
At the late elementary and junior high school levels, physical affection between girls is far more acceptable than between boys, but a girl will be called a “dyke” if she does not express, by junior high, a real interest in pleasing boys or in participating with other girls in boy-centered discussions. As an elementary school teacher, I have made an awareness of oppression and of the concept of “majority” and “minority” a focus of current events, history and social studies. Throughout the year we discuss those who are not in the majority in this country: Native Americans, Puerto Ricans, Blacks, Chicanos, disabled people, older people, and many others. We also discuss women, a generally powerless majority.
If oppression is being discussed, it is impossible to ignore lesbians and gay men as a group that faces discrimination.
Children in the middle grades have a strong sense of justice, and they can understand the basic injustice of people being abused because they are different from the majority. They can also identify with the powerlessness of oppressed groups because children themselves are often a verbally and sometimes a physically abused group.
Types of Name-calling
When initiating a discussion of name-calling, teachers can explain that there are two kinds of name-calling. One kind of name-calling, unrelated to any particular group, is often scatological or sexual (i.e., the four-letter words). The other is group-biased; it uses the name of a group — “nigger,” “chink,” “polack,” etc. — as the insult and implies that there is something wrong about being a member of that group.
Group-biased name-calling can be handled in a variety of ways. Sometimes children do not truly understand why a word is offensive. If a teacher simply takes the time to tell the class that a particular word insults or demeans a group of people, children will often stop using the word. (Occasionally, children do not even know what a term means. One New York City ten-year-old who frequently called others “faggot” told me that the word meant “female dog.” A twelve-year-old said that a lesbian is a “Spanish Jew.”)
Discussions about the meaning of homophobic words can often be quite consciousness-raising. When I hear a child use the word faggot, I explain that a faggot, literally, is a stick used for kindling. I also explain that gay people used to be burned in medieval times simply for being gay, and they had to wear a bundle of sticks on their shirts to indicate that they were about to be burned. (At times, gay men were used as the kindling to burn women accused of witch-craft.) After the discussion that ensues from this revelation, I make it clear to my students that the word is not to be used again in my classroom, and it rarely is.
A structured lesson for elementary children that I find to be quite successful starts like this. We list the slurs commonly applied to a particular group. Next, the children shut their eyes and pretend they are a member of that group as I shout out the slurs they have just listed. When they open their eyes, they are asked to write or discuss how it felt to be called those names. Next they imagine how it feels to be the name-caller.
When I list the words “lesbian” and “gay men,” there is always a stir of discomfort, so I ask what those words mean. I am also usually told that a gay man is an “effeminate” man. We discuss the stereotyping inherent in that myth, as well as the fact that “effeminate” means “behaving like a woman,” and the class begins to realize that “behaving like a woman” is viewed negatively.
When asked what it really means to be called a “faggot” and why it is insulting for a boy to be called “gay,” students will often respond that saying a boy is like a girl is the worst insult imaginable. At this point, girls are likely to sense that something unjust has been touched upon, and they will often take up their own defense, while simultaneously having their own consciousness raised.
Before we go on with the lesson plan, I usually attempt to reach a consensus on definitions. Here are some that have seemed acceptable: “Someone who loves someone of the same sex, but can be close to people of the opposite sex if they want to” and “Someone who romantically loves someone of the same sex.” We added the word “romantically” in one class after a boy commented in a confused tone, “But I love my father…” When discussing definitions, it is important to tell children that gays and lesbians are as different from one another as are heterosexual men and women. There is no such thing as a “typical” lesbian or gay man.
Imagining Names
When we continue with the lesson plan and students are asked to imagine being called names as they walk with a close friend of the same sex, they describe feeling “different,” “dumb,” “weird,” “afraid,” and “ embarrassed.” (One very different response was, “I’d feel loved, because the main thing would be walking with someone I loved.”) When asked how they would feel as one of the name-callers, children usually admit that they “would feel like part of the group.”
Suggested responses to homophobic attacks have included, “It’s my choice,” “We like each other, and for your information, we’re not homosexual,” “I’m not ashamed,” “I’m just as different as you are,” “I don’t care” and “So what!”
I have also used the music of Holly Near to teach about oppression. Songs are an effective tool in reaching children, and they seem to retain information presented in this mode quite easily. Near sings about the oppression of many different groups and her songs help students make linkages between their struggles.
Another way to combat homophobia — particularly for older students — is to invite a speaker from a gay organization to talk to the class. Listening to a gay or lesbian who is also a living, breathing human being — someone who has parents, siblings, and looks a little nervous in front of a group — is often a decisive factor in breaking down homophobic stereotypes.
Homophobic attitudes can also be countered in discussions about sex roles. Students can be asked, “What does a boy have to do to ‘act like a girl?’” (and vice versa). The stereotypic behaviors that are mentioned can usually be quickly discounted by asking children to consider their own home lives. Many children, particularly those with single or divorced parents, have seen their mothers working and their fathers cleaning the house. Boys are often relieved to argue that a boy can read, sing, or clean up without losing respect. However, these same boys will worry that other children will continue to believe in sex-role myths. These fears are often strong enough to keep children in traditional sex roles even when they become aware of the unjust nature of these roles.
Another classroom activity is to ask students to look in any standard dictionary or thesaurus for the definitions of “male” and “female,” “masculine” and “feminine,” “husband,” “wife,” etc. The definitions are often so blatantly offensive and stereotypic that they create a small sensation when read aloud, thus challenging children to rethink their own definitions.
Discussing homophobic concepts is one thing; enduring homophobic name-calling is an entirely different matter. The pressure to conform is especially overwhelming within the school/peer structure, and it is vital that teachers try to instill the courage needed to function independently when one is the object of ridicule.
I attempt to teach my students to be willing to defend not only their own rights but the rights of others. Because name-calling is so common among children, and because it embodies the bigotry learned from adults, it is a good place for educators to begin.
